Year 2

After this last hospitalization our son receives a dual diagnosis, autism and schizo-affective disorder. He does not agree with this but it seems to be the most accurate assessment we can come up with. Communication with the rest of the family is strained, we get only fractional information and no offers to be included. As his birthday approaches in the fall, I text him to ask how, if at all, he’d like to celebrate. He asks to speak with me, a rare event I’m happy to entertain. He then tells me he is planning on embarking on a pschodelic experience, using drugs that are legal when used as directed and produce disaccociative effects with off label usage. He is planning on going alone into the hills to trip. I let him know I can’t support that activity, given his history, and that I can’t keep this information a secret. When we end our conversation I write down as much as I can remember, send it to his father and his mother. A week later we have a low key quiet birthday dinner and I have not heard from him since.

A Year Later

I am reminded of the value of keeping track. Even though I do not want to I believe this will have value later. Our son has spent four days in the ICU, three days on 5150 hold, and is now on a two-week 5250 hold. That ends tomorrow and the clinicians would like him to continue treatment. I had called him the day after his admission to acute care and I had told him and his case worker I wanted to be present for the 5250 conversation, just to bear witness. He did not seem to remember that I had been at his first 5250 meeting, last year. It feels important to have someone who cares for you present at such a moment, when you are vulnerable, when important decisions are being made about your care, when you could be committed to a course of interventions that may feel very intrusive. I told him he could call me if he had questions or wanted to talk. I went to the facility and sat for hours, waiting to be part of the conversation. I was not allowed in. He hasn't called.